What He did...

"But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners."

--Romans 5:8

As the lights of the church dimmed tonight, the eerie melody of "Were You There?" sunk into my heart like an anchor in deep water.  Darkness slowly enveloped the whole church, and I felt its heaviness upon me.  I have been attending Good Friday services my entire life, and never have I experienced the overwhelming feelings I did tonight.  It was if I was encountering for the first time what Jesus did for me and how much He really loves me, loves you.

I confess I have not really loved Jesus.  Sure, I have said I love Him, and when convenient, I have shown love for Him.  But I have not truly loved Him.  I am ashamed to admit my unauthentic love.  I am ashamed to think that I would have been one of the crowd, during Jesus' trial and death, who spat on Him, who watched Him suffer, who betrayed Him and mocked Him, and left Him; because, in all honesty, I have.  

I have spat on Him when I have knowingly sinned against Him.  I have watched Him suffer when I grumble about my life.  I have betrayed Him when I didn't and don't show or speak love.  I have mocked Him every time I don't get what I want, and I have left Him when I do things my way.  I have not really loved Him; but, Christ Jesus in His goodness and mercy has--deeply, sincerely, selflessly, unconditionally, sacrificially, and wholeheartedly--loved me, and continues to love me...and you.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, King of Kings, for Your ultimate sacrifice and deep love.  "...Sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble."  Forgive me, for I do not know what I do.  Remember me in Paradise.  Finish in me what You have begun here tonight.  I resolve to love You better than I have and to commit to You more of my life.  Amen.