I pulled out a journal from my nightstand today that I had begun back in November with the good intentions of rededicating myself and committing myself to a more intimate relationship with my Lord and Savior. I wrote that first entry with such spirit and high hopes. I feel ashamed for not keeping to those intentions and for basically blowing a lot of hot air from my heart. Good intentions really aren't good unless they are lived out.
I realize I have no one to blame except myself. True, the devil will attack us more the closer we try to get to the Lord, but ultimately we are responsible for the choices we make. I made a choice to give the firstfruits of every day to God by dedicating some quality time in His Word, and yet, I have also made the choice in the last couple of months to blow that time off with a quick five minute devotion. If I was sincere about giving my firstfruits of every day, then I should be spending the first 2.4 hours with God. (That might just have to be something I work up to...can you imagine, though, spending every morning in worship and meditation with God for 2.4 hours!? Just think how equip you'd be for the day!) I obviously have some work to do.
I suppose God doesn't mind that I have intentions to improve my relationship with Him, and I'm certain He appreciates any effort I try to make. But I believe He would rather have any thought of Him or any act I do for Him no matter how small or insignificant in appearance than to not have any at all. I know I appreciate the smallest of gestures from others even if it's just a quick "Hello," because then I feel affirmed, acknowledged, and cared for in those little moments.
So, I once more intend to draw closer to my Lord whether it be in the quickest, most sincere of thoughts or in a 2.4 hour devotion (aiming high!). I know one thing for sure, I want to live for Christ. He really is worth living for.
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